But it’s not so dear,
But it’s not so dear,
Hello everyone. Hope you all have a good day. Well, as those who read my previous post about my writer’s block ( those who have not read it, its a poem about my writer’s block, you can read it via this link, dedicated to my writer’s block), knows that i had some doubts and difficulty in arranging my thoughts and pen it down. I thought of talking to myself for a while. Well, i talked, all i come up with are some somber thoughts, though i don’t want to dig it deeper. But i think, sometimes, its fine to get a bit depressed. So here’s how i arranged my today’s thoughts. Its not a type for “a ray of sunshine”, but i hope you get the message behind it.
Her silent dissent,
Against the social wicked precept,
Full of inner rage and disgust,
To which everyone is stone deaf.
They paint her existence,
With inaccurate colors and shades.
Put her fabricated being in front of mirror,
Forced her to believe in the deception,
Of her distorted illustration.
Locked her thoughts and see,
Her futile attempts to release,
After handing her the wrong key.
She swallow their words as a whole,
As the result of her silent rebellion.
These corrupted words,
Left the imprints on her heart,
Shattering her truths in parts.
She screams from within, where no one hears,
She cries from within,with no more tears.
She stumbles in her own presence,
She finds herself wrong in her own assumptions.
Repleted with mistakes,
Continues to take missteps,
Though aware of all rights and wrongs,
But let them drop to neglect and ignore.
This is what covered the soul,
From being candor to a complete fraud.
Some blunders are result of fear and doubts
The doubts of accepting some tough truths.
While some becomes the necessity of a custom,
The custom of lying, just to avoid the real situation.
Shifting the blame, on nearby compass,
Becomes the routine for every aberrations,
With no sense of guilt and regret,
Entering in new horizon of mistakes.
Putting the loyalty out of the line,
Shaping a new, yet flawed design,
Of shifting the blame,
With handful of excuses, so lame.
Pointing the finger at other’s faults,
But moving on their own errors without any halt.
Via daily prompt: compass
Life without mistakes, no, it doesn’t exist. So many times I wish I could have lived my life without any mistakes. But you see, life is full of so many exciting twists and turns. And when there are turns, there are chances of making mistakes. however, Its good on its own bad impression.
A tornado of insights,
Wandering at midnight,
In the gardens of both gentle and vile,
With parallel ends that will never meet.
Sitting here in my own mind,
Consuming it as a whole,
Like a black hole.
Falling into the pits,
Of my own conscious,
In the search of a golden thread of destiny,
To secure its absolute certainty,
By ignoring the question of its reality.
It’s an endless cycle,
With the repetitive recital.
Where the time simply slips into the void,
To fill my soul with lies,
Pretending them to be real and wise.
The transparency of my glass reflection,
Reconsidering my life’s derivation.
To add some new theorems,
To deduct some old equations.
resulting in some amusing observation.
But, it’s an intimidating risk,
As it might bring alteration in a blink,
Or it might weigh down my essence to sink.
Should I start from zero,
Letting my past of ordeal to go?
Or applying them as experience of attempt,
For drawing perfect angle of eminence?
What do I need,
The solitude of prime numbers,
Insistent and rigid,
Impractical to divide.
Or the cartel of evens,
With flexibility of division?
I am waiting for the other side
Of an unsolved equation,
To which only I know the solution,
But petrified to complete that,
Quite unaware of the aftermath.
Still, here I am,
sitting and wandering,
If I can clear this exam,
Where my soul and mind
equals to math of my life.
So my today’s post is about my mix and match feelings about some random thoughts and experiences. It might get gloomy. And I got lucky that today’s daily prompt is ‘Expect’. It goes well with this one.
So why do we always expect that someone will understand even our unspoken words just by looking at our face. It’s not always true and not practical too. There are no mind readers. There are just observers, some who has some interest in your life, and some who doesn’t. It’s us only who create our own heartbreaks through expectations. And then we use that line in our life, “It’s not all about what you do, sometimes it’s about what you don’t do.” We all are aware of the fact that expectations leads to disappointment. Yet we continue to expect and expect. Well, it’s kind of human nature. Mostly what screws us up in our Life is the sweet picture in our head of how things supposed to be.
So I realised something today and give myself a piece of advice, never listen to sad music when you are already in blue. It increases the level of sadness and the most important thing, it aids in imagining even worse situation related to the circumstances. But generally what we do is to listen some sad music whenever we are sad. It will help in persisting the same feeling but will not teach how to deal with it. Somehow we like to increase the intensity of our pain in that particular moment to make us believe that, yes, we are in pain. We are responsible for our inside war.
Talking about pain, misery, agony, etc etc, there are a whole lot of reasons for that, some are genuine, some are being forced to be a reason for our pain. Even the smallest reason is sufficient enough to make us emotionally tortured if we are already low. Let’s take an example of change. It’s a very nice custom to be followed in our life. But as one of my dear friend said, “change is good until unless we are not evolving”.
So what I was going to say is sometimes the changes around us give us the pain while accepting it. Obviously, some things will change, circumstances will change, some changes we like because it fits with our own modification, our own shift. Some we don’t as it doesn’t goes hand in hand with us. Initially they look quite amiable because everyone is fascinated in something new but later on, we realized that this change, this shift is not for us. This is where it starts hurting as there is no on spot going back situation. It will take it’s time to go back.
So things are there as it happened to be. It’s just that we are not accepting it.
Truths and lies, antonyms of each other, yet both can serve the same purpose of pain. You must have heard people saying, “I can’t lie to my dear ones because I care for them”. And here comes just the contradictory line, “I can’t tell the truth to my dear ones because I care for them”. So we are both virtuous as well as liars for our dear ones. But what I believe is don’t lie because the person who believes in your lies are the one who believes in you. Have you ever noticed how adeptly people cover up for their lies? Sometimes it made me laugh. Sometimes I am really impressed because you see, it’s a kind of talent. Not everyone has it. And the plan and approach they used for covering up their lies, their faults are like a sweet knife to which you will attract automatically. They became the pathological liars who started to believe in their own lies. They just deny, deny and deny and then cover it up with more lies. And you, being the believer of their words will continue to trust them until and unless the reality hits you in the face.
So these expectations, these changes, these beautiful lies which hurts us are nothing but the possession which is given to ourselves by our own self. So we can either learn to live with it or we can avoid it. Both are kind of challenging yet everyone is managing to deal with their pain, their inside wars.
Via daily prompt: Expect
So today’s daily prompt is Loyal. When I saw it, the very first statement I told myself was, “Am I loyal to myself?” And then I started to scrutinize myself. Wow, I seriously don’t know the explanation for that. Maybe I am loyal to myself, maybe not.
If I am not loyal, then how come I confess my fault, my guilt in front of my mirror? If I am not loyal, then how come I trust my own madness, how come I stick with myself through all the thick and thin? How come I am supportive of myself, how come my answers differs with different questions? Fair enough reasons to think that I am loyal to myself. But, yes there will always be a but, if there are even more reasons to believe that I am not loyal to myself? If I am loyal to myself, how do I convince myself to get away from the guilt? How come I change my speculation according to the ease of the situation, how come I sneak into my heart to cover up all the lies just to avoid the truth? How come I pretend that I am not feeling sad? Oh, great! Now I am not loyal to myself. Then that makes me a traitor to myself, a deceiver to myself. That makes me the scammer of my freedom.
I should glean the answer for my loyalty. I can’t define my loyalty towards myself with the word, maybe. Because loyalty, it isn’t grey. It’s either black or white. I am either loyal to myself completely or not at all loyal. I can’t change the connotation of loyalty according to my justification, my circumstances.
I need to maintain the spirit of loyalty to myself as a commitment for surging my personal growth and development. I need to be just myself, whatever the hell that is, and not just playing some roles. I need to stop manipulating the truths by making myself a figment of my own selfish fantasy.
Loyalty, it’s so easy to say,
But it doesn’t always stay.
Loyalty, its starts with you,
Stick to it, whatever you do.
Behold the power of your heart,
Spread the loyalty in every parts.
via daily prompt: Loyal
Do we like being stuck in a same position for so long? Yes and No. We want something new but definitely cannot let go of the old, whether it’s our old thoughts, habits, old ideas or anything else. We somehow make our old beliefs a part of ourselves with the thought that letting go of them will be a sin. We generally define ourselves as superficial as our appearances because we have this fear of being judged of who we really are. I hate the fact, and yes this is the fact that some people get judged for being who they really are while some are getting loved for being fake. You could be around a person your entire life, but that doesn’t mean you know them. Because fake is the new trend, and everyone is in the style. Our insecurity is the regular customer of this trend. We continue to compromise something beautiful to create something that is completely fake.
Where do we get our self-esteem? The general answer is, from our popularity, business success, health or the appearances. Well, we should be worried then. Because none of them can guarantee that we will have them tomorrow because they all come from superficial places.
We don’t trust our instincts, our power or our self-worth. In reality, we have created our own genius. We are in contact with our genius. We are just not listening to it. It is constantly saying to live the life rather than analysing it, to embrace our true self which radiates natural beauty of ourselves so confident which cannot be ignored. There is nothing more beautiful than unapologetically being ourselves, being comfortable in our perfect imperfections, to know our true self without any social pressure. We don’t need to create the mask to meet the masks of others. We don’t have to hurt ourselves by denying our truth just to appease others.
Someone will always be smarter, prettier than you, but they will never be you. All of your searching, struggling for your true self lies in your open relaxed simplicity, and not the superficial social stigma. You just have to let yourself in, curl up with the rawness and letting go of all the pretending.
via daily prompt: Superficial
A 20 year old pizza delivery boy was working at the pizza corner for almost 4 years. He was known for his dedication and hard work for the entire work period. That was evident from the behavioural log book (daily entry about the behaviour at work) which was filled by the supervisor. As the time passed by, the supervisor became jealous of his hard work with the fear of losing his job to the delivery guy. Therefore, he started tormenting him indirectly in one or another way.
One night after delivering the pizza, the delivery guy got drunk. As he reached the pizza corner, the supervisor saw him drunk. This was his chance to defame his name. He immediately recorded in his log book, “the delivery guy was drunk”. Seeing this, the delivery guy got scared. He knew this comment would affect his career if this reaches to the head of the pizza corner. So he went to the supervisor, apologised and asked for the favour to add the line that it only happened once in his entire period of service. However the supervisor refused and said to the guy in a very calm yet refusing voice, “Whatever I had written in the log book was the truth. I can’t do anything”.
The delivery guy was heartbroken. He couldn’t force his senior to do anything in his favour. The next day, it was the turn of the delivery guy to fill the log book for his supervisor. He wrote,” Today, the supervisor was pleasing.” The supervisor read the comment and told him to explain it properly, not to emphasize the word “today” as it would imply that he was not sober for rest of the days. The guy then replied, “Whatever I had written in the log book was the truth”.
What a genius.
So the moral is, Beware of the half truths. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half. It will lead to misinterpretation of the truth. Sometimes half-truth becomes the basis of a great lie. You cannot omit or alter the specifics of any experience to satisfy your own needs and labeling your half-truth as a TRUTH, because half-truth still contains your half lie.