Hard to explain

 “From the outside looking in, 

it’s hard to understand.

From the inside looking out, 

it’s hard to explain”

Even this particular sentence is tough to explain or interpret. Sometimes I just can’t tell anybody how I really feel, what’s exactly running in my mind. It’s not because I don’t know the purpose or I don’t have the guts to explain but I really don’t have the exact words to make them understand. My whole dictionary of words seems obscure to me. My mind forces me to stay silent but somehow this silence becomes the sole reason for my chaotic heart. But the worst part is when this turmoil becomes evident on my face which starts a protracted array of question from the people, but with no answers from my end. Well, some are genuinely worried, others who just wants a story for their entertainment. Even if I have no answers, they can make a full-fledged story depending upon their level of perceptions. What I want to say is that they have no right to judge my choices if they don’t understand my reasons.

Some perceptions, it’s simple to feel, but complicated to explain logically. Because feelings do not require words but explanations do. And I taste my words of explanation before spitting them out. This is what makes me dubious while giving explanations. I want to talk about it, I want to take it out of my system, I want to scream the hell out of it, but all I can do is to say, “Nothing, I am fine”. It’s like so many words to say but no ways to say them.

 “Some things in life are too complicated to explain in any language

  -Haruki Murakami

Via daily prompt: dubious